I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
