Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
