your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
