It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
