you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
