Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
