so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
