that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
