Umm I'm too high to move.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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