She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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