I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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