So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
