is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize