I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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