Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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