dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
