You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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