this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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