haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You're like the curious george of whores
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
