So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
