We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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