I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
