Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
