sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
