so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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