I wanna passion pit in your ass
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
