its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
