thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
