I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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