last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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