I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
