I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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