yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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