Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
