Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
