I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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