I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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