My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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