I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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