Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
