And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize