Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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