My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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