he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
