No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
