I got chris browned last night
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
