I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
