My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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