My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
