He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need a beard to bite.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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