she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
