my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize