I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
