Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
