It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
