If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
