hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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