I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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