you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
