I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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