i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
