were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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