I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
