This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
