meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
