Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
