Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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