I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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