I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
