Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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