this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
