Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
