Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize