I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
