Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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