new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
