I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
