i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
