Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
