Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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