She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
