$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
