You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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