So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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