o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
