She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
