Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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