mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
