Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
