Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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