Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
