I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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