I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
