She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize