is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
