me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
