nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
