i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
