Need sex. Gaining weight.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
