remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
