it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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