Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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